In Loving Memory of Mama Doris

As many of you readers may have seen on Facebook or heard from me directly, our beautiful Mama Doris passed away suddenly in her sleep last week on July 7th. She was 85 years old. It was shocking for us in many ways. First, her health was better than it had been in years. Last fall she had surgery to remove a non-cancerous tumor growing behind her eyes that was obstructing her vision. After it was removed she was like a new person - reading again, more energy, her memory was better - everyone was thrilled at the dramatic progress she made.

She made it to New York City last month for our wedding. She chatted with my friends, met Nate's family, was beaming and so happy, glowing (everyone said). My last memory with her was hugging her and kissing her cheek as she left our wedding reception. It's a happy memory that I'll never forget.

Mama Doris, as her nickname indicates, was more than a grandmother to me. She was like a second mom. There are few childhood memories I have without her and Daddy Quent in them. We spent two to three weeks every summer at their farm in Kentucky. We played with baby chickies, rode horses, fed the goats, peeled green beans, ate cherry tomatoes right off the vine, learned to knit and to cross stitch. It sounds like a fantasy and in many ways it was - it was the true farm life and we loved it as much as the week we'd spend in NYC with my dad's dad and stepmom. Mama Doris and Daddy Quent also never missed Christmas. They drove down every year to celebrate with us and, after Daddy Quent passed away, Mama Doris moved to Gainesville so she never missed an event - high school and college graduations, holidays, our engagement party - you name it, she was there.

It is always hard to lose a loved one. If they are sick and you see it coming, you get the chance to say goodbye but you also watch them suffer, helplessly as they can lose their memories and ability to take care of themselves. When someone passes suddenly, it creates a vacuum of loss and shock. A numbness takes over, a disbelief that it really happened. Yet to know Mama Doris passed away in her sleep, feeling better than she had in years, knowing she did not suffer, is a blessing. It's the way so many of us wish and hope we might go when our time comes. It was the best for her and while it was hard for us, it helps to keep that perspective.

Mama Doris had a wonderful life. She was loved by everyone she met. At just 17 she married her soulmate, my grandfather Quentin Payton, and had 55 beautiful years of marriage with him before he passed away in September 2001. Even after 55 years their eyes still sparkled when they saw or spoke of each other. Mama Doris's still did even in recent weeks and months. She missed him every day, and now they are together. They left us all an example of true love that inspires me in my own marriage.

It is impossible to qualify how I'll miss her. How she always remembered stories from our childhood, how she kept Daddy Quent alive through her memories and recounting past adventures. How she was mischievous and independent, strong willed yet nurturing and gentle. How there was no secret that her family was everything to her. She was a wonderful daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She was a friend to all. We love you, Mama Doris.